When do you give your kid a cell phone?

– Ms Q, Qmusings

When do I give a kid a cell phone? Normally when I am done with it and want them to put it on the charger for me.

What? Did I get the question wrong? Oh, you want to know about at what age you should allow a child to have a cell phone? Hmmm… Interesting question.

I personally feel that a child should never have their “own” cell phone until they are of a legal age to sign and be bound by a contract, say 18? However, sometimes it is to your benefit to give your child a cell phone to use before that age.

For one thing there is the security of knowing that no matter where they are they can call you. Of course that also means that they are free to call anyone else at any time!

I am not too worried about them calling other people though and for one simple reason; the monthly bill. Unlike your normal POTS line a cell phone bill is often itemized for every call because you are billed by the minute no matter who you call. Because of this you can look back at the month in review and see all the calls your kid made on the cell phone. Since most kids are oblivious to bills they may not even be aware of this!

Another benefit of giving a cell phone to your kid is that you can call them when you need to. Are they out too late? Call them! Do you need them to pick up some groceries for you? Call them! Has your son been bad lately? Call him and tell him to pick you up a big box of pads from the drugstore, go for the biggest pack they have!

I have no problem with giving a responsible kid access to a family cell phone as soon as they are driving or their friends are driving. Since this is the age they are likely to get themselves into trouble at I want them to know that mom and dad are only a phone call away.

Irresponsible kid? Those kids spend their teen years grounded cleaning their rooms!

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Hello Moto! used under Creative Commons License from flickr user nieve44

How do I get my kids to clean their bedroom without having to nag them?

– Blossy, Internet

When I was a young child my divorced mother used to come home in the middle of the night screaming about how the house was a mess. She would wake me and my two brothers up and force us to clean the house at that late hour. Visions of the movie Mommy Dearest would dance through my head…

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Before used under Creative Commons License from flickr user gemsling

Why do my parents always tell me to do as they say and not as they do?

– Chris F, Bismarck ND

Even I remember this one from my childhood. It usually came about when I tried to emulate something that my father did that was either dangerous or uncouth.

I know it may seem like a double standard to you but it’s not. Your parents key goal in raising you is to make you into a productive citizen. There are certain social hang-ups and failings that are ingrained into your parents that they hope not to ingrain into you.

Racism was a big problem back in the 1960’s and it has taken several generations for us to turn into a more colorblind society. There are forces on both sides of the racism debate that do not like the idea of people being colorblind but the good Dr. King wanted a colorblind society.

In order to move towards such a society parents had to try and teach their kids not to have the prejudices they themselves grew up with. This is why you may hear your parents say something bad followed by them telling you not to act in the same manner. Old habits die hard.

The other reason parents use the “do as I say not as I do” line is because they may be doing something that takes skill and they just know that if you were to try it you might hurt yourself.

As an extreme example let’s say that your father is a former boxer and he likes to work out in the home gym using a punching bag and other things. He may (or may not) want you to follow in his footsteps. Even if he does want you to become like him he may realize that the skill level he is at is so far advanced compared to where you are at that he does not want you to attempt the things he does because he knows you are not yet ready.

Most of these things will become more clear to you after you have kids of your own.

Your parents are not the enemy and they are not trying to keep you down. They just want to be sure that when you fly off and leave the nest you have the skills to make it. Even though we love our kids we don’t want to see you boomerang back into the nest after you leave!

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The joys of parenting used under Creative Commons License from flickr user jenn jenn

How do I motivate my kids to go outside and play?

– Barry L, Atlanta GA

There are different methods you can use to motivate kids to do the things you want them to do even when they themselves do not want to do those things. Being from Georgia you must be familiar with the character Tom Sawyer from the writings of Mark Twain. Do you remember a certain fence Tom had to whitewash? A job that he completed by tricking his friends into doing it for him?

One tried and true method of getting kids to do what you want is reverse psychology. You use this method by making your kid think that you do not want them to do the thing you want them to do. Nothing makes a kid want to get involved like telling them you don’t want them involved!

You do need to be careful how often you use this approach. Over use can lead to your kid figuring out what you are doing at an early age. Sometimes they just call you on it and everything is fine but other times they will not call you on it and instead begin to build a high level of distrust toward you.

The best method to get kids to do what you want them to do is to do things with them. Drag them outside with you and play a game. Chase them around the yard. Wash the car and let them get you with the hose.

The reason your kids may not be motivated to go outside is because you are not going outside. Kids learn from their parents and that includes both good and bad habits. If you are spending plenty of time outside and the kids still prefer to spend their time indoors than you might want to make indoors a little less enjoyable.

Take away TV time when it is nice outside. Make them do housework if they are just hanging around in the house. Just as you can make outside time more enjoyable by being actively involved you can also make indoor time less enjoyable by being actively involved!

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Kids playing used under Creative Commons License from flickr user MShades

Why wont my parents let me stay up late?

– Mike G, Tampa FL

Thank you for bringing this question to my attention Mike. Back when I was a young boy I often complained at how mean my parents were for not letting me stay up late to watch TV or play video games.

Back then video games were no where near as much fun as what we have today. The video game console in my house was Pong. That’s right it was Pong and it only played Pong! As for TV, you had to adjust the rabbit ears or watch what was on the one “over the air” cable channel that you had a box and a funny antenna on the roof for.

Back then there was not much worth staying up for. Today we have far more interesting (and fun) video games, a 24 hour Cartoon Network and the Internet. If I was a kid today I would put up a much bigger fight than I did back when I was a kid simply because of all the stuff to do!

In fact, one of my friends recently commented that if Pokemon existed when we were kids we would never have been so diligent in school. We would have wasted far too much time catching them all and ignored our studies.

Now that I am a father I better understand why my parents made me go to bed early. It’s not that they are trying to be mean to you but that they love you and know you.

Reasons to go to bed early
• 1. A growing body needs rest - You do most of your growing while you are sleeping. Ever wonder why you make up in the morning and your legs and feet hurt? It’s because you did some growing last night! Without adequate amounts of sleep you body will not be able to grow properly.
  
  

• 2. A tired kid is a cranky kid - Too many times I have accidentally kept my kids up too late because we got home late. The next day those kids were shot! They were tired and cranky and all together useless for anything other than sitting on the couch watching TV.
  
  

• 3. Parents need time to be alone with each other - As much as we love out kids we also love each other. Mom and dad need some time alone with each other to keep their relationship alive.

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Sleepy Subway Days used under Creative Commons License from flickr user T. Keller