My wife and I have a running argument about the division of labor in our household. She insists that things such as taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn are ‘man work’ but if I turn around and tell her that cooking and cleaning is ‘woman’s work’ she cuts me off from sex for a week or more! What is a fair and equitable way to distribute the chores in our house?
– Brad E, Internet
Ah yes, the old double standard of dealing with the housework. I take it your wife is assigning the jobs that she does not want to do to you and then picking the ones she does want for herself. That is not too big of a problem in and of itself if she is also working around the house.
Many woman still resent the idea that some jobs in the home are “woman’s work” because they feel that they are your equal and that somehow being deemed “woman’s work” is somehow demeaning. At the same time they have no problem assigning the garbage as “man’s work”.
When it comes to household chores I have a short list of laws
Law 1 - Those who work outside the home in a bread winning fashion should do the least amount of work in the home.
The basic idea here is that if the role of bread winner is held by one person than while that person is away from the home earning the income that supports the home the other person should be doing most of the housework. I don’t care if it is a man or a woman who is home all day, if you are the one at home you should be doing the larger portion of the work.
I know of families where the husband stays home and he does everything around the house and provides a cooked meal for when his wife comes home. I also know of families where the man works and always comes home to a messy home and no dinner. Which home do you think is happier?
Guess what, if you do not have to work outside of the home you better be pulling your weight in the home.
Law 2 - If both adults work equally outside the home then the work in the home should be divided equally as well.
This law has nothing to do with the amount of money earned. If both of you work eight hour days then both of you are equal when it comes to the division of labor at home.
Law 3 - When dividing household work one should make two lists. The person who makes the lists does not get to pick.
The idea here is that you sit down together and create one big list of all of the household chores. One of you then takes the master list and makes two smaller lists. The person who does not create the lists gets first pick of which list will be theirs.
By making the list maker make the lists but not be able to pick which one is theirs forces them to make two lists that are fair and equal.
Think of it like breaking a cookie in half. If you get to do the breaking and the picking you are more than likely to reward yourself with the bigger half. By letting the other person pick the half they want it forces you to try and break the cookie as evenly as possible.
Law 4 - If something has to be done and the other person is not around just do it!
This law has to do with things that happen when the person responsible is not around. Let’s say for example you were cleaning out the fridge and now the garbage is full. Even if it is not your job to take out the garbage you should do it if they are not at home. You also need to take the garbage all the way to the trash barrel outside. Don’t just tie it up and leave it on the floor.
I hope these laws help you out at home. The world has changed a lot since the days of Leave it to Beaver so don’t expect to live that idyllic life in today’s world!
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Summer Chore chart used under Creative Commons License from flickr user SharkeyinColo