Do as I say, not as I do

Why do my parents always tell me to do as they say and not as they do?

– Chris F, Bismarck ND

Even I remember this one from my childhood. It usually came about when I tried to emulate something that my father did that was either dangerous or uncouth.

I know it may seem like a double standard to you but it’s not. Your parents key goal in raising you is to make you into a productive citizen. There are certain social hang-ups and failings that are ingrained into your parents that they hope not to ingrain into you.

Racism was a big problem back in the 1960’s and it has taken several generations for us to turn into a more colorblind society. There are forces on both sides of the racism debate that do not like the idea of people being colorblind but the good Dr. King wanted a colorblind society.

In order to move towards such a society parents had to try and teach their kids not to have the prejudices they themselves grew up with. This is why you may hear your parents say something bad followed by them telling you not to act in the same manner. Old habits die hard.

The other reason parents use the “do as I say not as I do” line is because they may be doing something that takes skill and they just know that if you were to try it you might hurt yourself.

As an extreme example let’s say that your father is a former boxer and he likes to work out in the home gym using a punching bag and other things. He may (or may not) want you to follow in his footsteps. Even if he does want you to become like him he may realize that the skill level he is at is so far advanced compared to where you are at that he does not want you to attempt the things he does because he knows you are not yet ready.

Most of these things will become more clear to you after you have kids of your own.

Your parents are not the enemy and they are not trying to keep you down. They just want to be sure that when you fly off and leave the nest you have the skills to make it. Even though we love our kids we don’t want to see you boomerang back into the nest after you leave!

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The joys of parenting used under Creative Commons License from flickr user jenn jenn